2. Ask for what you want, point to the blank.
In some cases, the problem may not be physical or logistical. It’s that the sex you just had…isn’t that great.
“If you’re in a relationship or marriage where sex isn’t exciting, you definitely won’t want to do it.” Tammy Nelson, Ph.Da 63-year-old AASECT-certified sex therapist, who also speaks from personal experience, tells SELF. “It’s like, if the party isn’t fun, why go?”
However, one of the many upsides of getting older is gaining a kind of candor that your younger self might have avoided. “At a certain point, you don’t care,” a 64-year-old woman, who spoke anonymously, tells SELF. When you realize that life is too short, you stop worrying so much about what your body looks like in certain lighting, what your voice sounds like while climaxing, and whether your kinks are “too much.”
“I was too embarrassed to bring it up once BDSM– Beating and suffocation. “You don’t want to intimidate or judge someone,” she says. But after years of what she calls “vanilla sex,” she discovered a game-changing truth: Speaking up is worth it. “I had my first real orgasm — one that I didn’t have to fake — at age 61.”
3. Find what drives you crazy.
Achieving an amazing climax does not require a partner. For the women SELF spoke with, their 50s and 60s were a turning point in discovering what made them tick — where they enjoyed being touched, what kind of stimulation worked, what fantasies turned them on — all thanks to masturbation.
“I feel freer now to explore my body.” Shay Martin63 years old, who owns Vibratex (the exclusive distributor of… Magic wand sex toy brand,” says SELF. “When I was younger, I used my hands manually, but there are many tools available (vibrators, anal toys, cock rings, nipple clamps) to help create an orgasm on your own that is more intense and lasts longer.”
