You can start small by checking in with yourself before responding to your mom’s texts. If you don’t want to deal with it at that moment, don’t do it. If that’s not enough to keep your energy up, maybe you can limit the number of text messages you’ll respond to each day or week. You can always change it later by removing another hotspot, such as those unannounced visits, if you need more space (see Step 5).
3. Decide how calm you want to quit smoking.
You don’t have to formally announce that you won’t communicate well, but giving your mom a heads up might be helpful.
If you’re not worried about your safety and your calm approach to quitting means your mother has to change her behavior, making your own plans might make sense. Additionally, explaining why you put it in place may help you calmly resolve why you decided to walk away from this relationship.
However, if your version of lack of contact doesn’t require anything from your mother, you don’t need to tell her this is happening, Goodman says. For example, you may withhold information about your life or avoid certain events without discussing them first.
Feel weird about this? I get that, but here’s something to think about: You may have told your mother about the ways she hurt you many times before, Goodman says. Even if she didn’t clearly point out every occasion she hurt your feelings, your body language and tone of voice likely made it clear how her actions affected you. Maybe you are tired of retelling those traumatic events, which is why you want to avoid another confrontation with your mother. So consider this your permission not to do so.
However, your mother may notice you looking back and ask you what’s going on. If she does, you can tell her why you won’t be involved in your love life or attend a family reunion. You don’t have to do this, though. You can make excuses or just say, “Yes, you’re right, I won’t do that anymore.” You don’t owe her an explanation.
