Posted on April 16, 2026 at 01:23 pm
For 16 years, I drove what my friends somewhat affectionately called a “granny car.” It was old, it was tan, and it actually belonged to someone’s grandmother before me. Even when I first got it, it showed its age. The cassette deck didn’t work. The driver’s door is closed randomly. The radio is turned off if the power windows are in use. These things were annoying sometimes.
But the car was mine, and together we witnessed countless accomplishments. I learned how to change my car’s oil. Tire rotation. Use E-ZPass. Drive up and down the East Coast with only the Atlas. As long as I kept up with the maintenance, I thought I could drive it forever.
But in his twenty-fifth year, things became complicated. Its undercarriage was so rusty that the regular mechanic refused to do further work on it. Then the car developed a gas leak, among other problems, with repairs approaching five figures. Intellectually, I understood that it was time to let go. Unfortunately, knowing this did not make trading any easier.
There were other people who were excited for me, from my friends and family to people at the agency; They congratulated me on the promotion and said things like, “You must be thrilled!” But I wasn’t. Even driving my newest, most luxurious car, I felt like I had lost a friend.
As the days turned into weeks and I still felt this feeling of loss, I Googled phrases like “sad for the change.” This led me to grief resources. However, the information I found rarely addressed the devastation of something physical, which made me feel guilty. I thought: “Why can’t I be happy with the car upgrade? Others were happy about it. They did it.” TRUE problems. How dare I (react) as if someone is dead? “
What is physical grief?
After reading dozens of articles and listening to hours of podcasts, I realized that this grief was over Emotional beingssometimes called physical grief, is very common. These items can include special gifts, childhood possessions, items previously owned by a deceased relative — and yes, Cars. (I found two posts on Reddit—”Your car’s sadness. natural?“and”Sadness selling my car.” — which has over 600 comments between them!) Regardless of the specific item in question, it is normal to grieve material losses, even if we talk about it less than other types of grief.
Because we don’t talk about these losses specifically, it’s easy to feel like we’re overreacting, as I did at first. Beatrice Albinafamily nurse, life coach, and book author End emotional outsourcing She discussed a very relevant Buddhist proverb on her podcast Feminist wellness (Where I also discussed Sadness about things). It’s about two arrows we experience in life. The first arrow, for our purposes, is the moment your item is lost or damaged. The second arrow is when we shame ourselves for our feelings about that loss. There’s not much we can do about the first arrow, but the second is optional. Sadness is normal. Sadness about something is legitimate. You’re not crazy, overreacting, or selfish.
How to grieve over material things
“Grief is not a finite resource to be exploited for the ‘wrong’ things,” Albina says. “You’re not saving anyone by refusing to grieve for your stuffed animal. You’re just making yourself suffer twice as much.” Naming my feelings as grief helped me realize that there are a lot of resources available online for grief, many of which come in the form of yoga and meditation.
1. Move your body
Having practiced yoga for six years, I’ve long known that movement is a powerful way to connect with my body and emotions. Heart-opening sequences are often recommended to move you through grief, e.g This flow has 15 modesas well as grounding and restorative practices such as This yoga nidra practice. On YouTube, I tried grief-focused instructions Sarah Beth Yoga and Yoga with Adrien. For me, yoga didn’t have to be uplifting or heart-opening to be beneficial, just any form of movement on the mat helped me get out of my head.
Another favorite thing for me, as a former athlete, is to treat other types of movement as meditation. As indicated by the The late Zen master Thich Nhat HanhMovement can sharpen mental awareness, whether it’s stretching or walking around town, because it can provide something other than your sadness to focus on, such as body sensations or the world around you. The same can apply to Sports and other physical activities.
2. Try meditation
As someone who aims to do 10 minutes of guided meditation every day, I switched to grief-focused meditation and had mixed results. For example, the grief meditations I found on YouTube, often focus on the loss of loved ones or pets. (If this kind of ambivalence doesn’t bother you, you might get better distance through grief meditations.)
I’ve had better results with more general guided meditations On leavingSpecifically, videos that focused less on loss and more on feeling emotions in the body.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness exercises can also help you grieve, Albina says. For example, she recommends practicing dawdling, or shifting your attention between sadness and something that seems neutral. The latter could be something simple in your environment, such as the shadow on the floor or the feeling of your body in your chair.
“You’re teaching your nervous system that it can touch the difficult thing and then switch back to something safer,” Albina says. This can provide a sense that you will not be swallowed up by sadness.
Albina also recommends sitting or lying in a quiet place, placing one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach, and just breathing. Ask yourself where in your body you feel the loss. Is it in your chest? Your throat? Behind your eyes? “You don’t have to fix it or move it,” Albina said. “Just watch it. This act of turning toward — to say I see you, I feel you, I’m not going to pretend you’re not here — is in itself healing.”
4. Perform a ritual
When we lose a loved one, we perform specific rituals for the dead and the bereaved. Your ritual does not have to be a funeral; Instead, Albina suggests writing a letter to the lost object. Or you can do anything that feels special and honors your relationship with lost objects.
The day I traded in my car, I chose to take pictures of it in the parking lot. I specifically wanted to get a video of the car’s horn, although getting that video required honking at the dealership. Sure, the couple who were buying two cars from me thought I was crazy because I didn’t make a sound at all, but I did it anyway, for me.
Other options could include journaling, drawing, or creating a photo album, shadow box, or scrapbook. Even if scrapbooking isn’t your style, holding on to a piece of your item is popular. For example, some car enthusiasts keep a trunk emblem or an extra key after they finish assembling their car. Broken heirlooms can be recycled or turned into something new, e.g This Chinese painting Which were damaged and turned into earrings.
The ritual can also be as simple as speaking to the object or even to yourself. If you need a starting point, Albina recommended, “This matters to me, and I’m going to miss it.” The goal is not to get a response, but to acknowledge your sadness.
5. Talk about it
Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help Release sadness. For me, this involved texting friends and family when I was feeling down about the trade-in, often starting with something simple like, “I know this is stupid, but I’m feeling bad about the car.” (I later learned that this is not stupid at all.) This opened up a conversation where I could talk about my feelings and move through them.
If you’re not a fan of texting, a coffee date can be a great way to get out of the house, especially if you’ve been thinking about your loss for a while or are isolated. A phone call can give you a semi-private space to process, even if it feels silly to feel choked up over an old childhood toy, for example. Asking for help is not a weakness; It can bring real relief. the American Cancer Society It contains talking points for discussing the loss of a loved one, and is easy enough to adapt to an item: discuss the loss, your memories before the loss, and your experience moving on after the loss.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to a trained professional, such as a counselor or therapist, is always an option.
Finally, a reminder
Albina says that dealing with grief over things isn’t fundamentally different from dealing with other types of grief. “What’s different is how much permission we give ourselves to feel,” she explains.
I feel your loss. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay even if others think it’s silly. (And a lot of people thought I was being silly; I just allowed myself to be sad anyway.) It’s okay to need some time. It’s okay if your grief changes too. You may feel it more on some days than others, or feel angry instead of sad sometimes. Grief and its many expressions are a natural part of the human experience. For me, this means remembering that I can always text a friend, or lace up my sneakers and go for a walk — which always helps me avoid the second arrow of shame.
