This hidden stress in a relationship can cause you to age faster

If you deal with an annoying person here and there, it’s probably not a big problem for your health, according to Dr. Lee. But when this is an ongoing thing — that is, you have a coworker or family member who seems intent on making life more difficult for you — it can lead to what Dr. Lee calls “cumulative biological attrition.”

“These ‘nuisances’ are not just stressors; they are linked to a measurable acceleration in biological aging at the molecular level, along with a rise in inflammation, depression, anxiety, and the burden of chronic disease,” says Dr. Lee. Over time, this may shorten your life. Aaron B. Brennen, PsyDsays assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center.

When harassment is chronic, you begin to anticipate the anxiety that will come from these interactions, which makes the stress worse. Thea Gallagher, psychiatrist“Then, you’re bracing for impact, which takes a physical and mental toll,” says an associate professor of clinical psychology at NYU Langone Health. “Then, you’re bracing for impact, which takes a physical and mental toll,” she says.

The lesser effect of spousal harassment is a bit confusing, but Dr. Lee has a theory. “Marital relationships often combine negative and positive exchanges in ways that differ from other close relationships,” he says. “The spouse who upsets you is often also someone with whom you share daily routines, resources, and emotional intimacy, which may offset or complicate the effects of the conflict.”

On the other hand, nagging family members “may create stressors that seem deeply ingrained and difficult to escape, but without the same balanced mix of daily intimacy and mutual investment,” says Dr. Lee. (The study found that nagging people who were not family but were not spouses, such as coworkers or acquaintances, had a moderate effect on aging.)

There are some takeaways here.

The truth is that some relationships are easier to let go of than others. If you have a lowly “friend” who is making your life miserable, getting rid of him or her may be a little easier than, say, a family member or co-worker.