Inner calm: The key is to let go

We often hear about inner calm, but it can be more than just a fleeting moment of peace after yoga or the perfect massage. Inner calm is actually our ability to let go of attachments and reactions to life events, resulting in ease and clarity.

your Mindfulness Inner calm is the ability to let go of attachments and react based on an understanding of impermanence – the changing nature of our thoughts, emotions and desires. When we find ourselves rushing and reacting, we can remind ourselves, This too shall pass. The goal is not to deny what we feel, but to put an end to the rushing feelings. Once we return to our inner stillness, we can look at the source of our reactivity, and see its changing nature more closely: it is here that sets us free.

Once we return to our inner stillness, we can look at the source of our reactivity, and see its changing nature more closely: it is here that sets us free.

In practical terms, inner calm is the art of stopping, looking, and letting go for the purposes of healing and clarity. It involves physical calm and mental calm. It can be considered the ultimate balm for your soul, like a cool breeze on a hot day. Inner calm brings comfort to both body and mind. In the body, composure is felt in the muscles and as a general feeling of comfort. In the mind, inner calm creates space to contain everything without attachment or resistance. Conversely, the absence of inner calm may appear as turmoil in the body and excitement or reaction in the mind.

The search for inner calm may often leave us wanting more, but ironically, true inner calm is achieved when we let go of our desires, even the desire for inner calm itself – which is difficult if there ever is one. This paradox becomes clear when we look at the case of a client suffering from anxiety who resorts to meditation as a way to calm his mind. Surprisingly, he found himself more anxious after meditating. He hoped meditation would improve his sleep, but was frustrated when he noticed his sleep disturbances Body scan meditationwhich seemed to exacerbate his sleeping problems.

Moral here? In order to find peace, he first had to give up his expectations of finding peace. In order to let go, he learned to see the three barriers to achieving mindfulness: running in circles (a restless mind), pulling (seeking sleep), and pushing (frustration with his anxiety). With practice, he learned to accept his troubled mind, which eased the struggle and frustration, and he was able to find comfort, even when he couldn’t sleep, which eventually allowed him to fall asleep.

However, letting go of attachments to certain outcomes does not mean that we suppress or avoid difficult situations. Instead, this release occurs organically when we become aware that feelings arise and fade, all within the space of ninety seconds.

Rule ninety-two

Inner calm does not mean suppressing, denying, or avoiding our feelings. When we do not give in to the urge to react, we develop the ability to stay with unpleasant things (knowing that emotions are physiological responses in the body that will arise and decay). Just as happiness caused by external events does not last, neither do negative emotions. Have you heard about the ninety-second rule? Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor reveals in her book My Stroke of Insight: A Personal Journey into the World of the Brain That all emotions have a beginning, middle, and end, all within ninety seconds of their first appearance.

The reason we keep experimenting Negative emotionsSometimes for days, weeks, and even years, we continue to stoke these feelings with our narratives. Instead, if we stop and let the emotions move through our bodies, we will create space in our minds to better understand what they are trying to tell us. Instead of suppressing or using positive thinking to override our experience, we can form an alliance with our feelings. In doing so, we can discover how they are trying to protect us, meet our unmet needs, or draw our attention to new information in the environment.

The Ninety-Two Rule is a helpful reminder to ride the waves of our emotions, but emotions can sometimes be so powerful that they hijack our rational thought processes. It is helpful in these situations to remember where those feelings came from – deep in the past, when we were hunter-gatherers encountering real tigers!

How inner calm supports resilience

Much of our lives are characterized by perceived threats to our identity, career, or relationships. Our initial responses – fight-flight-freeze – may be unhelpful when it comes to dealing with these daily psychosocial stressors. Clarity and creativity are what we need to solve common problems in the modern world, but our reaction is the opposite – fight, flight, or freeze. This evolutionary response to any threat is automatic and unconscious.

Clarity and creativity are what we need to solve common problems in the modern world, but our reaction is the opposite – fight, flight, or freeze.

When our emotions are so triggered that we can’t think or see clearly, it’s called “amygdala hijack” — a term popularized by emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman. The amygdala is the emotional center of the brain. One of its functions is to scan the environment for threats and prepare the body to respond to emergency situations. When it senses a threat, such as a tiger lurking in the jungle, it sends an immediate signal to release stress hormones – adrenaline and cortisol – that increase the emergency response. Blood stops flowing to the organs and instead flows to the extremities to prepare us for fight or flight. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for thinking and executive decision-making) stops working because there is no time to think and analyze when we are faced with what the brain considers a life-threatening situation.

During an amygdala hijack, our IQ is said to temporarily drop by ten to fifteen points. Perhaps this explains the feeling after we respond to a verbal stimulus: What was I thinking when you said that? This is exactly the point. We stop thinking rationally. It also damages memory, which is why we cannot remember anything good about the person we have a conflict with or why we cannot find our keys in the middle of a panic attack. Being in a constant state of fight or flight from modern threats also harms the well-being of other systems, such as immunity and digestion.

Developing inner calm is an important step in avoiding amygdala hijacking so that we can think clearly even in highly charged situations. Using practices to promote inner calm—such as breathing awareness—helps slow our heightened emotions and allows the parasympathetic nervous system to get back to work so we can think clearly again. Another activity that prompts the prefrontal cortex to start thinking again is “noticing” or “labeling.” The process of noticing or labeling our feelings causes the prefrontal cortex to regain healthy communication with the amygdala and avoid hijacking. Inner calm provides opportunities to learn and improve or provide a deeper understanding of the “what” and “why” behind our actions. We can replace tension and misunderstanding with harmony and understanding. Inner calm is the key to Resilience In relationships and life in general.

Where are you in the Inner Calm series?

You can enhance your capacity for inner calm, regardless of your circumstances. First, pay attention to when you are calm and when you are not. Next, notice the reasons and circumstances that promote calm and what prevent you from being calm. By developing the habit of calming the mind and body, you will develop the ability to get to this place more quickly and easily.

Daily practice: one minute of rest

Rested, we again care about the right things and
The right people in the right way.
—David White

Make time in your day, several times a day, if possible, to empty your cup and make room for what matters to you. You can do this very quickly by checking in with your body.

1. Any tension or tightness in the body is a clue That you are holding on to something that needs your loving attention. You can’t let go without knowing what you’re trying to let go of. Simply shifting your attention to the places where you feel stressed can help you uncover the feelings and thoughts associated with that stress.
2. Once you can see the cause of your stressYou can find out the solution. It’s also clear to realign with your intentions as you empty your cup, what are you making room for?
3. He comes back. Take a break for one minute And return to your body. Rub your palms and place them on your eyes, letting them relax. Move your hands to your jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, or wherever you feel comfortable on your body.
4. He listens. Listen inside. What can you let go of in this moment to make room for what’s important?
5. It starts. Start your activities with a relaxed body and mind Align with what matters.

Try practicing and playing this reminder with your family, team members, and in your community before starting a meeting or activity together.

Quoted from the book Returning to Mindfulness: Disrupting Default Habits for Self-Actualization, Effective Leadership, and Global Impact By Shalini Bahl Milne. Copyright © 2024 Shalini Bahl Milne. Republished with permission from the author. Return to Mindfulness will be available on Amazon on January 18, 2024.