6 signs that your partner lacks ambition, according to relationship experts

When it comes Green flags In dating, “ambition” always comes near the top. For many of us, that word conjures up a specific archetype—someone with a good career, a six-figure salary, and a LinkedIn profile that looks like a highlight reel of promotions.

Ambition, drive, success – these are all valuable traits in partners and in ourselves. The problem, however, is that these traits have been flattened into something more superficial and inaccurate, relationship experts warn. “We’ve turned ambition into shorthand for ‘Does this person make enough money?’ Keisha Saunders Waldron, LCMHCS“When it really comes down to whether you’re growing and living intentionally…or just drifting through life on autopilot,” she tells SELF.

In her 20 years of practice, Saunders-Waldron says she’s seen this misconception Sabotaging relationships. “I’ve worked with many couples where one of them was ‘ambitious’ on paper but completely isolated and lazy at home,” she says. “I’ve also seen the opposite — rejecting partners who are not corporate climbers but are hell-bent on thoughtful parenting, building community, and learning new skills” — versions that matter far more than pay raises and college degrees.

so what He does Does it seem like a lack of ambition? Here are the biggest red flags to watch out for.

1. They show little interest in growing as a person

“Ambition is about growth, not just achievement,” says Saunders-Waldron, meaning it’s less about what they’ve already accomplished and more about whether they’re pushing themselves to be better.

Maybe they started going to therapy more frequently after a difficult breakup in the past, or taught themselves how to cook (even if their chicken piccata still needs improvement…and more seasoning). According to Saunders Waldron, “Someone who is invested in his advancement — even if it has nothing to do with his career — will make a much better partner than someone who seeks promotions and has never done any emotional work in his adult life.”

2. They talk about change but don’t act on it.

Anyone can He wants To switch jobs, move to a new city, or run a marathon. But ambition is what bridges the gap between intention and action.

This explains why those who lack it remain stuck in chronic negativity. “It’s an ‘Oh, I’ll do it’ mentality.” “I’ll work on it” Ciara Bogdanovich, LMFTsays the founder of Sagebrush Psychotherapy in Los Angeles. “They are waiting for things to happen to them rather than taking the initiative themselves. So they are He wants To save money…but they won’t adjust their spending budget. they He hopes To be healthier…but you refuse to cook at home or go out for a walk. “Basically, ‘there’s no action,'” Bogdanovich says. “There’s no follow-up.”