4 signs that indicate an emotional relationship between you, according to experts

There are countless explanations for why people come back Toxic ex– And Taylor Frankie Paul The Secret Lives of Mormon WivesThe relationship between shock and bonds is to blame.

In the final season, Ball momentarily finds herself back with her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Dakota Mortensen — someone she admits she shouldn’t be with, given their checkered history and frequent fights. In her own words, “It’s a vicious, vicious cycle. Anyone who’s in toxic relationships, has a trauma bond — it’s one of the hardest things to get out of.” But beyond this catchy label, therapists warn that the true relationship between trauma and attachment is often misunderstood and much more complex than a reality TV story might seem.

According to the New York City-based therapist Siena Zhou, LMHC, Trauma bond It is a term psychologists use to describe an intense emotional attachment to an abusive person who represents your comfort and pain, whether that is a manipulative ex-partner or The narcissistic parent. Biologically, we are hardwired to seek security and support from these attachment figures, which makes things complicated when it is the same “loving” person who is subtly hurting us.

As a result, Cho tells SELF, these dynamics tend to feel uniquely powerful, all-consuming, and emotional…but also confusing and exhausting—a push-and-pull process that makes walking away from these people nearly impossible. However, breaking a trauma bond is not about willpower or persistence; It’s about recognizing some red flags and slowly taking back control. Here’s where to start.

What are the signs of trauma bond?

1. You’re stuck in a cycle of high highs and low lows.

What makes trauma bonds so complex is that the relationship isn’t 24/7 manipulation and emotional chaos; Terry Messman, Ph.Dprofessor of psychology at the University of Miami and co-author of the book Integrating mindfulness into trauma psychotherapysays the self. It also includes heartwarming moments — the affection, the vulnerable conversations, and the passionate apologies that feel like swoon-worthy romance.

In fact, many trauma bonds typically begin with a honeymoon phase, a wave of closeness that Dr. Messman says can feel special, rare, or even fatalistic. But once a negative incident occurs – a fight, a passive aggressive blow, or an example Partial fraud– Your brain does not register these harmful actions as red flags. Instead, he clings to those “good” times as proof that the relationship is worth holding on to. (Do you remember how sweet she was last week? How sorry did they look after the last explosion?) when in fact it is just the beginning of another cycle of affection followed by abuse.