Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
So, what does caring in the face of difficulty look like? I think it’s safe to say that we all care, but do we care about the right things? These are the words of Hafez, a poet of antiquity: “My dear, is it true that sometimes your mind is like a battering ram, running all over the city, screaming madly in and out about the ten thousand unimportant things?”
I think we all have moments in our lives that awaken us to what is most important. I have one: When my son Valentino was about a month old, I had to rush him to the hospital. There we learned that he needed emergency surgery. It wasn’t even me who went into the hospital with him, it was every parent carrying his or her sick child. It is easy to forget in those moments that what we are actually doing is learning something about this human condition.
So…what does it mean to live with an “unprotected heart”? How do we train the heart to relax so that we can recognize this human phenomenon? How can we make it less about our individual pain, but instead connect with the pain and all beings who share this condition? Because this is the time when we are able to allow the more nurturing part of ourselves to come forward.
But it’s not easy. We have to observe where we stumble and bring compassion to that very place, to that same experience. True love means having to surrender a part of ourselves. Practicing compassion, then, is waking up to all the barriers we place between ourselves and love.
It is important to see where we are stuck or confined, because there is no chance for freedom if we cannot first recognize where we are stuck. If we cannot distinguish between an unskilled response and a skilled response, we will certainly remain in our unconscious patterns. Tara Brach puts it this way, “Every time you encounter an old emotional pattern with the presence, the awakening to truth can deepen. There is less self-identification in the story and more ability to rest in the awareness that is witnessing what is happening. You become more able to commit to compassion, remember and trust your true home rather than repeatedly cycling through old conditioning. You are actually moving toward freedom.”
When we are open to what is difficult, we will also be open to understanding. Last week we talked about the ability to stay with sensations in the body and not the mind’s story of what happened or is happening. We can usually tolerate the sensations. It’s the stories that overwhelm us. It’s the story we’ll always feel; That we have always felt this way; That everything that happens is the only thing that happens.
Through this practice we can learn how to direct awareness in a very specific way – especially in relation to the heart’s relationship with pain. We may not be able to save the world, but we have to find a way to respond and preserve our experience of the world. Knowing in our hearts that we are not separate from this world is an important first step. Because when we allow ourselves to be touched, we encounter the courage of an unprotected heart. Our willingness to touch, be moved, and be in the world can add beauty to the difficult things in life.
Meditation to nourish the unprotected heart
Watch the video:
Listen to the audio:
Read and practice the guided meditation text below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to audio exercises.
1. Find a comfortable position, direct your awareness inward. Let go of any demands you may feel at this moment; Just let them fall.
2. Check your heart and stomach. As you do this, let’s set an intention to face whatever arises with as much kindness and acceptance as possible.
3. Consider someone you know. Let’s make him someone we see regularly, maybe at the grocery store or in our neighborhood. What we do is expand our circle of concern to include those about whom we feel neutral (so no big feelings either way). Picture them in your mind, knowing that they too face their own difficulties. They also know pain and struggle.
4. Now let’s give them the same care we wanted for ourselves last week. I care about your difficulties. May you be in mercy. May your heart be at peace.
5. Consider all the different people you meet regularly. Give them the same statements we give ourselves: I care about your difficulties. May you be in mercy. May your heart be at peace.
6. When we finish this practice, notice if there are any ways in which you judge yourself. Do you tell yourself you’re not doing this well enough, or expect something else to happen? No need to judge here. We all need to set our intention and care about what arises.
Over the next week, allow yourself to see where empathy arises naturally and where it might need a little help to flourish.
About the author
