Have you ever found that some days, no matter how good your intentions, you just can’t do what you said you wanted to do so badly?
No matter what we try to do — for example, establish a new habit like meditation, exercise more frequently, eat healthier, or dive into a new creative hobby — there will be days when life gets in the way. We may feel very tired; Some emergencies may arise. Or we may simply forget to do what we had good intentions to do.
that it exactly In these moments of failure we need to offer ourselves some self-compassion. In fact, the entire creative process should be a compassionate one.
The compassionate path to creativity
One of the keys to creativity is testing different solutions to a problem, i.e. iterating on the solutions and design you’ve come up with. Simply put, this means that the first few attempts we make will not necessarily be the final result. there will There are moments of failure, and this is part of the creative process.
In order to pick ourselves up after a moment of failure (or perceived failure) and keep going, we need to give ourselves some self-compassion, and it’s our mindfulness practice that can help us build that.
Empathizing with failure simply means turning the lens of empathy back onto ourselves.
What do we mean by “self-compassion for failure”?
It simply means bringing the lens of empathy back to ourselves. This means recognizing our own moments of stress and suffering and being motivated in those moments to come up with a solution to alleviate the stress and suffering. There is a great deal of scientific evidence now that shows how Self-compassion builds motivation: People who are compassionate with themselves tend to cope with failure better and tend to stick with behavior changes Habits They originally set out to change or establish.
Admit, acknowledge, accept
Here’s a three-step process for self-compassion, as outlined by one of the leading researchers in the field, Kristin Neff. This three-step process consists of, first, giving ourselves a moment of mindfulness.
When we feel like a failure or a feeling of inadequacy, or even overcome the stress that arises when things feel out of our control – we take a moment to acknowledge the facts, admit that we don’t like those facts, but accept the way things are. The key things to remember are not to get caught up in the narrative or story about what is happening and not to suppress either Difficult feelings That may come. We simply acknowledge that this moment is stressful.
The second step is to connect with our sense of common humanity. Take a moment to acknowledge that no matter what we may be going through, there are many others like us who have faced the same difficulty. So, we’re not alone, this kind of failure or this kind of stress is just part of the human condition. Not only is this true, it can help us feel less isolated in moments of lack. It’s a little easier to foster a sense of self-compassion for failure when we know we’re never alone.
The third step is to offer ourselves some kindness. Think about what you would say to your best friend if they were going through what you might be going through in this moment of stress.
A simple practice to foster self-compassion when you fail
Let’s try this model of self-compassion through practice, keeping the creative goal in mind as we go. Here’s also a guided audio version with Dr. Neff if you’d like to listen instead:
1. I invite you to sit in a way that is alert but relaxed and close your eyes. Make sure your feet are firmly planted on the floor to help stabilize you and ensure your back is straight but not rigid. Allow the front of your abdomen to be soft. You can gently place your hands on your lap.
2. Let’s start by reminding you that something in your life is not going well. Maybe it’s a creative goal you’ve been working on that didn’t go according to plan. Perhaps you have experienced some kind of failure at work or at home. Or maybe you’re just dealing with a painful situation that’s beyond your control.
3. With this situation in mind, let’s begin the process of self-compassion With mindfulness: Take a moment to acknowledge things as they are, not as you want them to be. Take this moment to acknowledge things Just as they are.
4. You could say something like: “This is a tense moment.” Or “I don’t like this, but this is the way it is now.” Keep in mind that we are not trying to solve the problem. We also don’t engage with the story about the pain and stress. We simply remain present to what is happening.
5. Next, consider the fact that no matter what you are going throughThere were many people who had the same experience before. You can say something like: “You’re not alone in this” or “This is just part of being human.”
6. Now I want you to do it Do yourself some kindness. If this were your best friend or loved one who was going through what you were going through, what would you say to them? What advice would you give?
7. You also offer yourself the same kind of unconditional love and affectionI want you to send yourself some well-being wishes: Please be kind to myself. Please be patient and accept myself. I hope I can be strong and resilient in this moment.
8. From this place that gives you greater warmth and kindness to yourselfI’d like you to take a deep breath at your own pace. When you are ready, open your eyes and rejoin this conversation.
Not only is it nice, but it’s necessary
One thing that consistently stands out in Neff’s extensive research is this counterintuitive discovery: without self-compassion, it’s actually… Harder To change, heal and grow. This includes our creative endeavours.
We tend to think that being hard on ourselves will motivate us to do better, but in fact the opposite is true. Constant self-criticism not only reduces our enjoyment of the creative process, but also reduces our ability to see new possibilities. This fear of “not doing things right” hinders our ability to create.
When we take the time to slow down, pay attention to our sense of “inadequacy” in the creative process, and give that fear a little extra attention, we actually open the door wider to new ideas, inspiration, and creative courage.
