Logically, most of us know that skipping one dinner does not erase your place in the group. You’ve probably already seen all the plausible explanations for not being listed. Better yet, you may have imagined how your psychiatrist might reassure you: You don’t have all the details. I was busy that day and the plan was last minute, so maybe they knew. Would the activity have made more sense for a smaller group? I did the same thing, went out with a few people, and it wasn’t personal either.
And yet…here you go. He’s still weirdly upset and offended and a little edgy.
This is because logic has no chance against the feeling of social exclusion, whether real or merely perceived. There are several neurological reasons for this, according to Sabrina Romanoff, psychiatrista New York City-based clinical psychologist we selected for this week’s column.
“When we feel threatened, we tend to overemphasize Worst case scenario “And make these moments,” Dr. Romanoff tells SELF. And suddenly, that group photo without you confirms it: They are Closer without me. I’m being phased out. Nobody loves me.
“It also taps into our primal fears of exclusion,” she adds, whether that goes back to middle school sleepovers where you weren’t invited to (and if you were invited, only because your mother faulted other parents for doing so), or class projects where no one picked you first, or a family dynamic where you never felt like you were the favorite.
